Published: February 11, 2009
This Valentines Day when you revive the love between you and your spouse, you are actually doing something extremely beneficial for your children. If we really want a chance at creating a culture in our home that is stronger than the culture of the world, we have to pay attention to the health of our marriage relationship.
The culture of a home emanates from the relationship between husband and wife (for children, that's mom and dad). You can't pretend that loving your kids and being committed to them is the only thing that creates the culture. It's actually your relationship with your spouse that brings stability, confidence and wholeness to the home.
With so many divorces happening in our culture, it's not uncommon for young people, even our own children, to wonder if divorce is going to attack their home, "Are mommy and daddy always going to stay together?" As a result, this anxiety is breeding insecurity in children. If the "D" word is ever used in a discussion or in a burst of anger, it only perpetuates this fear.
The security that every child needs is not created just by saying, "Your mother and I will never get a divorce." The wholesomeness of a great romance and friendship (showing that you like as well as love each other) makes your kids feel safe and gives them confidence that their home will be stable and secure.
It's clear that children need both parents to have the healthiest upbringing. I know that there are many single-parent families doing a valiant job at making things work in spite of the bad situation they've found themselves in. Even so, the data is irrefutable on how little boys and girls need their daddy around. It takes a man and a woman to lead a family.
• 71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father.
• 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes.
• 85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes.
• 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes.
So husbands, you must step up and lead your family by the way you lead your marriage. Wives, you must encourage your husband to do so and respect his authority by coming along side him as his help-mate. One key benefit of living the lifestyle that follows this God-given standard of authority is the distinct effects it has on the lives of your kids.
When your children see that you love your wife and are pursuing her, it provides an example for your sons of what a wholesome love looks like so they will see a glaring difference in what the world calls love. Your little girls will see what a wholesome romantic love looks like so that they are not enticed and lured by guys who tell them they are pretty and that they love them, just so they can use them.
There are so many intangibles created by a strong marriage. It builds security in the hearts of young people and helps them make decisions not out of fear but in response to the examples their parents show of a wholesome, thriving romance that makes them want to have the same.
To raise kids effectively, there is a lot of coaching, mentoring, rebuking and disciplining involved. If you are constantly dealing with a battle between you and your spouse in the middle of trying to discipline your child, you are not going to have near the effectiveness of shaping your young people that you could have.
Much of what you say will be disregarded, because it doesn't line up with the way you are living. A solid, thriving marriage relationship builds a culture of trust and confidence so that you can pour your values into your children and they will receive your teaching, because they see the benefits in your own marriage.
President and founder of Teen Mania Ministries, a Christian organization reaching millions of young people worldwide, Ron Luce passionately declares the Gospel through Acquire the Fire TV broadcasts, youth events, camps and media resources, challenging teens to take a stand for Christ. For more information about Ron, log onto www.teenmania.org
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