The Generation Gap Is What You Make Of It
Published: September 05, 2008
Over this past Thanksgiving break my daughter Mackenzie was home from college and we sat together for a long time while she built my Facebook page. We had fun doing it together. I was asking her questions like: 'What really is the difference between Facebook and email, I mean, essentially what is the difference? She said: 'Dad, don't make it so complicated. It's just how people talk with each other.'
That's it. Don't make it so complicated! We make the differences in generations more complicated than they really are. And it really is all about communication.
Unfortunately, some people 'my age' say that young adults aren't really communicating or interacting when it's all driven through the internet. I disagree. They are communicating, all the time, rapidly, and they stay in touch extremely well! It's no different than when the telephone was invented. People no longer always saw each other face to face then either. Communication is at the core of the Generation Gap. The better the communication - the smaller the gap.
I love hiring and working with young adults. I love working with seasoned veterans. I don't like working with people who want to make an issue of 'The Gap' and choose to make communication difficult - which in turn widens the gap.
When I experience the tension of the gap it's almost always an issue of power, such as who makes the rules and who must follow the rules. One group has or is perceived to have more power, and the other group wants that power. Too much focus is on who makes the rules and who follows the rules. More important is what the rules are and why the rules are made.
Let's say the older generation has the power or authority. I don't think that is always true, but let's say it is for the sake of this discussion. Let me be blunt, someone or some group must have authority (responsibility). If authority were up for grabs every morning, chaos would reign! The issue is how the authhat's ority is used and whether or not it's shared. If those who have it won't give it away that's a problem! If those who want it alienate and separate themselves from those who have (or are perceived to have) it, that's problem!
I've worked with both groups. I've worked with older people who are control freaks. And I've worked with younger people who are insecure and make a big deal about nothing. (I've seen the opposite too.) The good news is that I think the gap is smaller than is publicized. Think about it. Who would buy a book that says 'We're really all in this together and the gap is smaller than we thought'?
Who would buy a book that says, in essence, 'We need each other and the differences between the generations is so small it doesn't matter.' When we come up with clever names that make us different, that sells. I'm a boomer and proud of it ... not really. I'm a pastor and proud of it. I stand and serve next to guys much younger and love it. I think they like standing next to me too. We're on the same team and serve the same God. I wish that would sell, but calling others Millennial sounds cooler.
I've worked with young people who say the older people just don't get it. (Sometimes they don't.) The critical issue is whether or not the older person wants to get it and if the younger one is willing to help. If both shut communication down because one wants power and perceives the other has it, the gap is widened. James 4:1-2 says it well: 'What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but you don't get it.'
I've worked with older people who say the young ones don't get it. (Some times they don't.) Sounds like a pattern here. Who is doing the talking? Those who are lessening the gap or widening it? That takes us back to communication and who wants what.
Words are changed and new meanings are applied in hopes of changing the playing field. I think we should follow my daughter's advice and stop trying to make it complicated. Let's just talk. If we want the same thing (same vision) and we talk, the gap is small. If we want something different and we don't talk, the gap is large. There are differences between generations. But it's all in what we choose to emphasize. What you emphasize determines the size of the gap. We need to understand the differences when it comes to connecting with current culture. But when it comes creating your personal family culture as well as cultivating Christian community, building staff teams and achieving the mission, the gap must be minimized.
I love working at 12Stone Church. (Formerly Crossroads) We leverage the differences for the good of the team which makes the gap imperceptibly small. We major in what we have in common and keep our eyes on the mission. We learn from each other and don't worry about who gets the credit. We end up with a powerful mix of wisdom, energy, and creativity. The results are amazing. Is it perfect? No. But that wouldn't be any fun any way!
I want to say thanks to Jason Berry and Charlie Wetzel for tossing their thoughts into the ring for this article. They are both great leaders. Jason and Charlie represent two different generations, but I won't tell you which one is which, because on our team, it doesn't matter. I will tell you that Jason and Amber just had their first child, and Charlie just had a hip replaced ... but he also recently earned a black belt in Karate ... you still really don't know which is which. Charlie and Stephanie have a pre-schooler!
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The Generation Gap Is What You Make Of It
Published: September 05, 2008
Discover why we make the generation gaps more complicated than they really are.
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