The Rules of Engagement - Continued
Published: September 08, 2008
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This cultural shift has changed the formulation of personal identity-and extended adolescent thinking, behavior, and lifestyle choices. Since graduating high school has simply become the next stage of education, in many ways college-age people think much like high school students did 30 years ago. So we must view the college-age years as one requiring the care and nurture of older adults. Here are two things we can do to connect to post-high schoolers' thinking:
Let them know you understand their pressures.
While youth attend college to better their professional lives, they also do so to fit in to society-a sociological identity search. People in this stage don't really have a "role," but they want one terribly. The pressure really comes when everyone around them asks, "What are you going to do with your life?" Because they're not sure, they respond with a quick, "I don't know!"
Our role is to let them know this process is normal, healthy, and that we're going to help them get where they want to be-no pressure! You just have to look them in the eyes and tell them. These consistent conversations go an extremely long way.
We have to talk about their spiritual identities.
More young adults pursuing higher education delay finding identities (sociologically), but that can spell huge opportunities for us as spiritual leaders. Post-high schoolers are looking at themselves in new ways, processing who they are and aren't.
Before they get too overwhelmed with pressures of gaining sociological identities, we have the chance to help them first embrace who they are spiritually. Once they understand this identity, our goal is to help them live this out in society, wherever that may be. The post-high school years are the best time to capitalize on this-although starting earlier in high school and middle school ministry is beneficial, as well.
Encourage Thought
The post-high school mind is beginning to see different perspectives and views. It's expanding like crazy. Ideas, principles, and beliefs they grew up with are being questioned. Things learned as black and white are turning grey. Since this process is necessary to having a personal faith, it must be encouraged.
Typically if a young person confides in us, saying, "I'm not sure I believe the Bible is true anymore," our red flags start flying. We immediately go to the shelf and hand them books such as Evidence that Demands a Verdict or A Ready Defense. We want to help, but piling on information may be counterproductive at this point in their thinking.
There are certainly black-and-white issues in Scripture and even things that can be empirically proven, but instead of waving red flags and throwing information at them, we need to see green lights for intellectual discussion in these conversations. Being the ones who encourage them to think beyond concrete concepts is one of the greatest ways we can connect to their minds. Here are a couple of practical things we can do:
Intentionally talk about mystery.
I used to assume I had to play the part of the solid rock with all the answers amid their questions. This stance has a place, but I've found that honesty with our own questions can actually be the thing that keeps post-high schoolers connected. Often when they question their faith, it leads to a sense of guilt, which can lead to detachment.
Instead of hiding our questions we need to intentionally expose our college-age friends to them. Holding onto our faith in spite of our questions is extremely comforting to them; they'll see they can have question and remain faithful, too. And what could've led to detachment now helps connect.
Answer questions with questions.
This skill can really help post-high schoolers think for themselves. Late adolescents want someone who can help them think through things. Unfortunately, many don't think of church as a place that forces them to think; rather it has been viewed as a place that tells them what to do. Now is the time to show them differently-again, the earlier we do this, the better.
Faith and Law Are Different
I'm just as guilty as others-I think I'm teaching faith, but at the end of the day, it's really law.
Read your Bible, pray, go to church, invite your friends to church, and obey your parents. (Aren't these among the 10 Commandments of student ministry?) We also throw in things such as: share your faith, serve in the church, don't have sex, and don't do drugs.
There's nothing wrong with following these principles, but most young people come to view Christianity as the act of doing or not doing these things (i.e., following the Law). But I've seen a difference between what we think we're teaching and what post-high schoolers are learning.
Consequently the majority of college-age people, whether they've grown up in the church or not, view Christianity as Law. During the late teenage years and even the early 20s, this brand of Christianity is harshly questioned and critiqued, often leading to detachment. Therefore to connect with them we must:
Live a life of faith beyond religious routine.
I've taken a serious look at my own life, and if I'm honest there are areas that look more "Churchian" than Christian. As I share these areas with post-high schoolers, I've realized that they find this honesty refreshing, letting them see a fresh perspective of the Christian life.
Talk about abstract issues in Scripture, rather than behavioral issues.
For instance, Ephesians 1:1-14 walks through who we are spiritually (abstract thoughts). So instead of telling them what this looks like behaviorally, let's help them think through it abstractly for themselves.
These conversations have to move beyond the encouragement to conduct daily quiet times and going to church. This is the process I used with Landen: His circumstances had changed, and it was time to connect with him on another level-in the abstract.
Consistency of Ministry
In order to follow through with the previous four concepts, we must be consistent in peoples' lives. I understand most small to mid-sized churches can't afford to pay a full-time minister specifically for post-high school ministry, but this doesn't mean there can't be some type of consistency in this area. Whether they're dinners at various houses, Bible studies, discussion groups, a formal weekly ministry, or just one person pursuing relationships with grads, there has to be consistency in every context.
This may sound harsh, but after walking with post-high school young people every day for the past eight years, I believe that not having something consistent in their lives is, for them, nothing less than unfaithfulness on our part. You don't have to do anything extravagant-just make it consistent. Post-high school ministry doesn't require elaborate programming, either-it just needs to be authentic, relational, thought-provoking, and truly relevant to their specific life-stage issues.
My heart breaks because as a whole it seems as though the least amount of the church's attention is given to post-high schoolers. If you consider Landen's situation, you quickly realize his desire for (and the very real need that) someone more spiritually mature would spend time with him.
There's far too much ministry potential to continue passing these situations aside. I'm off to have coffee with a college-age friend...
After serving for almost 9 years as pastor of student ministries at Cornerstone in Simi Valley, Ca., Chuck Bomar is now lead pastor of Colossae, in Portland Oregon. He’s founder of CollegeLeader and has helped over 45 churches start and develop a college-age ministry. He’s written numerous articles and is author of Foundations of College Ministry, 99 Thought’s for College-age People, and College Ministry 101 - which is due to publish spring of 2009.
Copyright © 2008 Chuck Bomar. All rights reserved.
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The Rules of Engagement
Published: September 08, 2008
Discover some non-negotiable elements to engaging college-age people
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